?

Log in

onwhai [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
onwhai

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Intro Neuro Help! [Oct. 15th, 2006|10:42 pm]
onwhai
Could somebody please tell me what chapters the second exam for Intro Neuro covers? I lost my syllabus and I'm taking the exam tomorrow because I was sick this week. Thanks!
link

(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2004|04:54 pm]
onwhai
another thanksgiving dinner devolves into familial chaos...

why does my brother hate me so much? I'll be minding my business and he'll just say these malicious things to me out of the blue.

He said that "you'll never amount to anything...you're a loser...you're completely pathetic." That was probably the worst thing he could have said to me right now because I've been feeling aimless and insecure about my future lately. My mother's "admonishment": "why can't the two of you learn to relate like normal people." I love that whenever my brother insults me without provocation, she includes me in the blame, as though I somehow had it coming. That about did it for me. I left the table.

Maybe he's right. I wish I had the strength to prove someone wrong when they belittled me, instead of always stooping to their low expectations.
link

(no subject) [Nov. 18th, 2004|07:56 pm]
onwhai
[music |"For No One" Beatles]

I want to die. I don't know why. I just do. This happens every so often, I want to die and I write an entry in here. It seems like I only feel like writing in here when I'm in a shitty mood. I guess it's because my strongest emotions are sad ones...

I was just thinking about this guy I used to like when I was a freshman. He seemed interested in me at first, but I was lukewarm about him; then once he started ignoring me I suddenly fell for him. One day I sat at a table with him and a mutual friend. My friend left the table for a few minutes, and I sat there patiently, looking friendly, and he never said anything to me. He didn't even look at me. He knew I liked him at that point and he didn't even have the courtesy to look me in the eye. What the hell is wrong with me? ... Little rejections like this still haunt me. Why? What did I do wrong? Am I not attractive enough?

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself at lunch, and I had a fantasy that one day some guy would walk over and rescue me from myself. Sometimes I felt so horrible inside that it must have registered on my face, and I couldn't understand why nobody ever tried to help or befriend me. Did they not see it, or did they just not care? Probably a combination of the two.
link

(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2004|12:36 pm]
onwhai
I had another dream last night in which I slipped into a strange future dystopia where people were mind-controlled automatons who watched propoganda films all day. The mood of the dream seems to have seeped into my day, and I can't shake it. To make matters worse, the song from Alien keeps on wafting in and out of my head. Oh lord, I want to die.
link

happiness sucks [Oct. 6th, 2004|11:17 pm]
onwhai
I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but everybody on livejournal needs to stop being so happy. Of course livejournal is known as a haven for depressed misfit teens, but lately i've noticed this carefree, ironic trend. Everyone is so damn glib, dropping humorous links here, making snarky remarks and pop culture references there -- I can't take it anymore! Not that self-indulgently depressing, introspective writing is fun to read all the time, but at least it's real, and in small doses even refreshing. Maybe other people save the downbeat shit in their lives for their real journals at home that no one else reads. I guess it's not cool to be sad anymore.

Grrr...

(pads back to little rainy corner of livejournal)
link

warning: pointless, whiney entry ahead [Oct. 6th, 2004|10:43 pm]
onwhai
This journal is sort of like the loser-lunchtable at school where nobody cool ever ventures. In fact, nobody at all seems to venture here. Of course, in high school I didn't even sit at the loser-table -- I ate my lunches in the bathroom because I was too embarrassed to sit at the loser-table! Heh. I've improved quite a bit since then, but I still have to fight my natural ability to repel people.

As I write this, part of me is tsk-tsking, "stop being so whiney and depressing." But, no, goddamnit, I am going to be whiney and depressing if I feel whiney and depressed. This is a journal, afterall, so I shouldn't censor my feelings.

On a totally unrelated note, we had a bit of a scare earlier when the kittens were exploring my mother's room and a suspicious smell began to permeate the air. The kittens frequently seem to forget where their litter-box is, so we were rightly concerned. Fortunately, it was a false alarm...just a little harmless but potent gas.

Not much else to report.
link

(no subject) [Sep. 24th, 2004|06:25 pm]
onwhai
[music |"Graffiti" Throwing Muses]

Here's an excerpt from a short story I wrote about a year ago. I like how it starts, but after the first few pages it quickly devolves into sentimental sludge. I guess my heart just wasn't in it. It's called "The Self-Unseeing" (title stolen from a Thomas Hardy poem I really like).

"The faces in the sepia photograph were somber and inscrutable in the fashion of that era. Half would die of typhus within a year. The oldest boy, holding a straw hat in his lap, would be the first to go. Some accident of fate would spare his crippled younger brother, sitting in a lawn chair beside him. In the background, women were spread out like wilted flowers, their long skirts fanning out from tightly laced bodices. My grandfather, wearing trousers and a bowtie, looked like a small pet that someone had jokingly dressed for the camera. His mother stood erect above him, her hand planted firmly on his shoulder."
link

(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2004|02:53 am]
onwhai
I'm listening to "The Hardest Walk" by Jesus and Mary Chain and thinking that it would work really well at the very end of a movie. One of these shots of a passing city or town from a car window, using video (I think?) instead of film so it has that slightly detached 60s-home-video-feel, with muted colors and editing that follows the beat of the music (cutting to a new shot outside every few seconds). Similar to the end of Lost in Translation, but with strip malls, gas stations and neon signs instead of sleek skyscrapers. This sort of scene is easy to identify if you see it but somehow eludes my fumbling prose.

I'd love to make a movie. I hope I have a shot at film school after college.
link

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]